Posted by Chuck Vose
Mon, 23 Feb 2009 03:23:00 GMT
Today I learned several things, but the most important is a skill I think I will probably be able to use with success for the rest of my life: how to turn off my brain’s gag reflex. Tied to the important message of never asking what it is I’m putting into my mouth and who it used to belong to I believe that I will experience many, many more foods in the future.
Also, I didn’t know that real bananas are extremely small. I bought my normal amount of bananas today but it to get the required volume I had to buy like 30 bananas. Too big to be the weird purple tiny bananas I see in the states, too small to be the genetically modified things we call bananas in the states. I haven’t tried them yet but I’m getting excited about the prospect of it already.
Also, I saw a feral kitten playing in a grocery store. It was under a table playing with the table cloth like kittens do. For some reason I assumed that feral kittens didn’t play but I guess either my original assumption was wrong or it’s actually the clerks kitten and I just totally misunderstood the situation. I smiled either way and the clerk looked at my confused when I tried to tell her that the kitten was cute. Stupid tonal language: I probably told her that I loved the hat dispenser or something.
Posted in Life | Tags China, food, Kitten | 2 comments
Posted by Chuck Vose
Thu, 19 Feb 2009 03:21:00 GMT
Today I write my blog flushed with the successes of the day. Today, for the first time I have successfully ordered a meal and purchased some clementines (or so I hope) without embarrassing myself or needing the assistance of someone more skilled than I. Granted, when you’re offering money to someone they rarely scoff at your pronunciation and the menu was entirely pictorial, but I feel good regardless.
I believe that I can stop studying now. :)
No, there’s still a lot left to do. Incidentally I never mentioned my official goal for China. Months ago Erica asked me to pick up some nice tea cups in China and I have found them. They are perfect, subdued but colourful, modern paints but ancient style. And the best part is that they are marked at $100 each. This is completely ridiculous of course; it’s at a very popular tourist mall and the value of ceramics is extremely low in China.
So my goal, my thesis for China, is to purchase these cups for a reasonable price, perhaps $10 each, and bring them to my lady as a fitting prize for my serenely beautiful woman.
I will have to harness all my charm and wit to bargain down 10x. Being white means that my price is already twice as high as the price for a Chinese person if not four times as much. Perhaps I will have to go full bore and befriend the owner of the shop in order to really get that good of a price. But I’m confident that by the end of four months I will be prepared to do this very thing.
Baby steps for now. Our first test is tomorrow so we’ll see how far I’ve really come.
I hope you’re all doing very well and I’m eager to return and tell you all about my journeys.
Posted in Life | Tags China, food, Language | 2 comments
Posted by Chuck Vose
Fri, 13 Feb 2009 08:07:00 GMT
Last night I heard protesters outside my building. Or at least I thought I did. It was typically windy and traffic was going crazy like normal when I heard megaphones blaring Chinese phrases repeatedly. Of course my Chinese roommate didn’t bat an eye. When I asked what the megaphones were saying he listened closely for a bit and said, “Ah, it’s just a reminder to be careful and turn off your gas and electricity when you go to sleep”.
I’m in a fucking weird place indeed.
I think there are pheromones in the water too. Everyone in the program has just come to the realization that they aren’t going to get laid for four months at least. Those that broke up with their SOs are hunting like mad and those that didn’t are reminiscing about their old favorite sport in part just to see the wide-eyed expressions of the Chinese roommates. They do not talk about sex at dinner but that seems to be all the the Americans talk about at any point in the day. I’ve tried to explain the situation but I think things are getting lost in translation.
So here I am, thinking about my lady, in my living room, in the dark, eating candy and posting my thoughts on a blog that I happen to know attracts very few views. But I’m not sure that I would trade it for the alternative of sitting at home in the dark blogging about absolutely nothing. :P
Week 1—Check
So week 1 has come and gone and I’m exhausted. Naturally, like the young whipper-snappers that they are, everyone has decided to go out to a bar that’s cave themed. One the one hand I want to go because I’m sure it will be a blast but on the other hand I’m feeling exhausted and depressed and basically just want to drown my sorrows in beer at the local “pub”.
Enough pity-fest, let me tell you all about what I learned this week. I’ve learned that Chinese people are easy to surprise and that direct translation of silly American phrases into Chinese just leaves everyone in the dust. They assume, “Penguins are sometimes eaten by Lions” must have been a mistake. All I wanted to do was make the class slightly more amusing but I think all I succeeded at was getting Chinese dictionaries banned from class.
That is of course all an exaggeration. Dictionaries haven’t been banned and I couldn’t even begin to say that sentence, but I would like to. For now I have to satisfy myself with, “I am a lion” and make the appropriate clawing pantomime for clarity. Chen lao shi thinks this is just about the funniest thing in the world and sometimes I’m worried that she has fainted on her podium until she finally wipes the tears from her eyes and breathes again.
Ah! I’m developing a test also. It’s called “n ways to determine whether you’re in a polluted city or not”. Maybe not the best title but it seems fitting. I think if you answer yes to more than about n/2 you’re probably in Shanghai or its equivalent. If you answer more than about 2n/3 you’re probably in Beijing or the equivalent. Or maybe it’s just fucking foggy where you are. With that I present:
N ways to determine whether you’re in a polluted city or not!
- Do you have to brush the roof of your mouth in order to remove soot?
- When you wipe your face with a refreshing wet towel does it come away slightly blackened even though you do this at every meal?
- Do people wear face masks when they traverse traffic?
- Can you see the tops of buildings?
- Can you see stars?
- Can you see your own hand in front of you?
- Is the tap water drinkable or do you have to fear growing breasts or becoming infertile if you drink it?
- Can you find exhaust pipes laying beside the street on occasion or have the junk sellers already picked them up?
Okay, that was just an exercise really. Some of those are actually true of Shanghai though which is a little weird and worrisome. I hate to think what the inside of me looks like right now; can’t get at that with a refreshing towel. I’ve tried though. Oh how I’ve tried.
Okay, I hungry. I’m going to go try to order some food now. Wish me luck.
PS. I don’t proofread this before I post and I’m usually exhausted. Please forgive my spelling errors.
Posted in Life | Tags China, Chinese, food, pheremones, Pollution, protest, Shanghai, study, water | 2 comments
